Her pride is really up there. You’ve prioritized their needs above your own, and at the end of the day, still don’t have the stability that you crave from them. The difference between an ex who used the breakup as a large red reset button to focus on their own well-being, and the ex who attempts to juggle with loss and wavering self-esteem at your expense is the way in which they attempt to communicate with you. I tried to compile all of my logical thoughts into one place as best as I could, so that way I have something to reference when I start doubting myself emotionally. As I’ve spent the last few months here I've noticed that many of us are going through breakups, or contemplating breaking up with their BPDSO (be it friend, girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, etc.) This alone could start that myriad of consequences mentioned above. They’ll do whatever they can to keep you in their lives. The world is against them and it's everybody else's fault. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Start to rekindle old friendships that have been lost from your relationship with your BPDSO. You're basically dealing with a child here, and to their mind the world revolves around them. We both introduce each other to our respective families. It’s sometimes easy to avoid crossing paths with an ex-partner after a breakup. This doesn’t make their behavior acceptable. Block their number, delete their social media, and do all you can to distance yourself from them. Whatever the situation, logistically there’s some things that need to be done. For anybody starting to come out of the FOG, I am in definitely in the moving forward phase and it's not just a fantasy or a dream. Try your best to arrange the breakup in a public place, and be sure to let people know what you’re doing and where. You are meant to do great things, and to pursue your aspirations. In moments of happiness, that is all they see. Saying things like “If you don’t , I will.”. Remember, this is your choice and you are entitled to a divorce even if they don’t want that. Your mental health should be a priority. After my relationship with my uBPDex, I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety, depression, and C-PTSD. Try your best to be kind. Whatever the case may be, don’t ignore your feelings. You may find that you even demonstrate some BPD tendencies of your own, and be worried you’ve somehow developed it. Take as much time as you need. I don't think this a pride issue on her part, I genuinely feel that they just don't know. I can understand why this post might upset you. Start pursuing your hobbies again, attend Codependent Anonymous meetings, do things that you’re passionate about. We know how it feels to be stuck in limbo, wishing that they could figure out their illness so that someday they will love us as much as we love them, finally realize their flaws, and meet our needs. They start to ask themselves ”Why do they stay with me? You may still question them, feeling that one day they’ll change. Press J to jump to the feed. although he was a free spirited guy who didn't necessarily wanted to spend that much time together. At the end of the night, they won’t even remember what happened, or get why you’re upset at them for blowing up. In fact, a 2015 poll reports that of the 1,241 U.S. adults surveyed, more than half said that they had tried to stay friendly with an ex, even if they also said that a full communication stop is better after a breakup. They may call the police on you for false reasons only to get their way. It’s important to recognize that all of this is not a personal vendetta against you as a human. When things are bad however, your life is miserable. :). If you were the one who was broken up with, this is especially important. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. Many believe that they lack empathy- and in many ways this is true. Likely, friends and family won’t understand the gravity of what you’ve been through. With my clients, I find that 20-25% do get back together with their Exes, usually within a few months. If you would like to make suggestions on how to improve section 2 (which I believe you're referring to) I would appreciate your perspective so I can make it more accurate and less offensive to all audiences. With all of them, it was never just "hooking up" we both made a lot together. If you see things that need changing, please let me know! He would also take care of me when I was sick or hangover, without me having to ask. Seeing these stories gives me hope that I'll live a functioning, happy life again. So I tried to make him understand my pain – only to make things worse. 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