1. If your comes across something that piques his or her interest, then that’s fine. If I’m right, this is nobodies fault. I’m letting go but can’t let go of what he said in his email and how quickly he switched. →. Announcements Applying to uni? Having said that, I am still hoping, he does come back one day to atleast apologise and explain as why he betrayed me. This was like the biggest betrayal in my life and considering, he said, he still liked me was confusing. Projection is definately the most frustrating and painful aspects of attempting to reconcile. I suppose it works the same way for all of us. Should I let him know or should I just keep it to myself? However, seems like Karma will surely bite him one day as well but there won’t be much point then as I don’t intend to take any revenge at all. I think, he may have got married to that same women but would only lead to a divorce. One of my old friend advised me to reply to him but I was confused. There are different reasons as to why this can happen. It involves a measure of faith that it will :). At the same time, I ultimately do want to reconnect, however, I want it to come from him. With regards to your question: 1) It’s not an easy one to answer. As you mentioned long back, Man will move mountains IF he wants to reach me. Of course it doesn’t! Isnt this quiet sad and this proves that he is just not happy with his Marriage? Far from that. It is tough to believe at times that “How can someone spoil a friends life by cheating, lieing? Largely because of the silence….I probably would have been over it by now if she had the mind to call me and tell me what kind of a horrible person that I was or something to that effect. I appreciate it and feel hopeless at the same time. Nor should you feel guilty about pushing for clarity for your own sake. You want them, they need you. To the dumpee, the result is a brutal hi-and-bye, but in actuality, the emotional breakup happened a long time before the action itself took place. I keep thinking maybe he got to see the new flame over the weekend and she knew the right things to say to sway him considering he told her what happened. When you first break up with someone, the pain and possible drama of the breakup creates even more negative feelings than those that led up to the breakup. I think, to a certain extent, though I obviously don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, taking for granted is part and parcel of relationships (if you really think about it, it’s almost why we agree to structure in the first place). showing up where you shop, eat or spend most of your time. I am glad to know that, you are very happy being single. I must say, you are a great human being. You mentioned, Manpulative partner needs dumpee to feel better about themselves. Virgos do not do well with feelings. As time goes your ex's relief will … Thanks again for your lovely thoughts and kind words for me. It seems he is serious this time about not giving me false hope or breadcrumbs. Hope you are doing good. The e-mail says, “Hey, I am in other country and I am using this new number for few days. However, it was somewhat on impulse. How can such people really Love any women? Well, I still do love him but at the same time, I will never ever forget the way be betayed me. And if your ex doesn’t see anything, that’s fine too. He clearly knew that, I was looking at a happy future together hence my intentions were very clear. He “should” have reacted to a blank message (even if it was a mistake). Physical stalking or real-life stalking is serious and usually means only one thing. Is his ego stopping him from that OR Will he say it IF I continue my silent treatment? 2. The problem here is that he may well be scared of being rejected by you, and you are scared of looking vulnerable, and so it sounds like it is difficult to talk serenely without pain. Sounds stupid, but my ex used to watch my stories in instagram after breaks up. Your personal history and context is everything when calculating the chances your ex will suffer from dumpers remorse. Hee use to express marrying me indirectly at times so there were hopes and I was in love with him so I continued relation as we were friends too…However,He use to always delay all action.One day,I found out he was hiding one relation from me..He got engaged with his friend who was seen at times with him and never even informed me.I was shocked as he intended to still be wid me..He met me even after he got engaged..He kissed me and said, he still likes me a lot..As soon as I found out,I immediatedly blocked him from my life..I Cut Him from all newtrorking sites,etc..I went NO Contact and NEVER contacted him at all even after being attached as I was hurt…I felt sick and went through hell..Finally,He comes back AFTER 8 Months to wish me on MY Birthday.He contacted me twice wishing me bday BUT I DID NOT respond..He called mee and messaged,emailed both.. But there’s not much I can do about that. I would urge you not to overthink it, however, and not to treat it as a goal. I get scared of growing old single. I don’t think there’s an easy way to solve this. I wont give him any ego-boost. I'm just having a hard time understanding this. I am still single out of choice since I do not intend to compromise and be in a relationship just for the sake of it. Perhaps, I get a feeling that, she may have known him longer than me but even then, this does not seem like a genuine relationship or love. Sometimes tryign to convey it verbally, only serves to reinforce suspicion. She probably presents a positive association which helps him alleviate the loss of affection (bear in mind, my entire diabtribe has nothing to do with love, it usually has nothing to do with it, and he may well have rebounded primarily because being thrust into the void of singledom is simply too painful). I understand what you you are saying but I cannot stop anyone from contacting me. Karma. Sure, it does seem a trifle impulsive, how is the communication going? It’s not very easy to tell that stalking is happening in the background, but mark my words. P.S: I am certainly no expert! So i was wondering if my ex also thinks about me as well. Plus, It was a genuine doubt as I found out he went to this long holiday with that same girl in a huge group. Although I did, it was 50/50. Sorry..Small correction..He has Messaged ME on MY Phone..Not emailed..After which,I see his Missed Call as well on my phone!! -I’m mainly looking for things i can do in the meantime, that can positively effect the outcome of contacting her later (not in a month, but maybe in a year etc) just things to improve, maybe something about myself? dumpers in a sentence. That’s because they usually stalk in their moment of weakness—which is the most dangerous time to stalk. Dumpers do not want to have any regrets or doubts and will often try to do whatever it takes to move on with their lives. Do you think the contact and facebook are positive signs in terms of where he is at right now? Please leave a comment. I too wonder IF his wife knows about his betrayal stunts OR IF he has left her OR Planning to leave her. I am unsure, IF replying him now will show my interest OR Will it be fine? It’s just that dumpers are curious about what their exes are up to. But now that it’s been a few days and the shock is no longer there I am able to reflect and I do have a lot to say to him. Share Share Tweet Email Comment. I agree with your opinion. I know they may not look attractive when they obsess over someone who has abandoned them. I meant, exactly the same point. Yes, I surely agree with you that, it is surely not wise to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. perhaps the latter do come to question their decision down the … Now here's where most people fail at No Contact. Most breakups end up leaving the dumpee feeling blindsided and confused. Online stalking occurs more often than you may think. How prideful they are, and whether or not they feel you will be hostile or welcome to their contacting you. If you can’t do that, if you think it is wrong of you to do that, then the next best thing is sticking to no contact until he makes it clear. I will also like to ADD 2 more questions that, I never placed any conditions on him while breaking up.Our Break-up was sudden as I found out he got engaged. I will surely be able to post there perhaps If you can have the same option of posting by anonymous over there without being registered. 1. We’ll start with dumpers and separate the stalking into online and offline categories. It feels quiet soothing reading them. I cleared the air on some things, explained why I asked for the break because he still thought I had lashed out at him for no reason. Mostly, because you have moved on by the time it happens, you tend to feel sorry for them. If he truly loved her he would not feel the need to kiss you, at least according to my own admittedly naive and subjective vision of what love is. I read that, with time, people forget the negative memories and just feel nostalgia. She sent me a text in the afternoon telling me that our relationship was over…that I should never try to contact her. He wants to chat with me on this messenger. Trust me, this isn’t a gender specific issue. Hope you doing fantastic as ever. Is it wise to risk and send him this message? The bottom line is this: If the relationship, beyond your dependency on each other, was something inherently fulfilling and desirable in their life, they may decide they can’t do without it, even if it was far from perfect. 3) Don’t stalk their social media. If he has something important to say, it should be said directly, without the chit-chat. When I say without, that also includes being there in case they want to chit-chat over texts. His behavior (and I say this without knowing him) seems to be chronically manipulative. He or she is actually relieved to be "rid of the burden." Sounds to me like he is partioning his partners into different roles. If this change of heart occurs, it is usually — and ironically — too little too late. So you don’t have to deal with this kind of confusing contact. Trauma cuts both ways, and what we may initially perceive as a cold and objective dismissal is usually — and ironically — the opposite. He moved on by getting engaged and then married without even informing me. Well, I am Highly confused again. Hey again. He said he still loved me and acknowledged that our intimacy, connection and times we had together were the best he had ever had (which I believe and know to be true). 2. Why would a guy end such a great relationship without a fight? Due to the fact that most breakups lead to a degree of drama and impulsiveness, contact can be compromised. 2) I would argue that successful reconciliation demands that you find “you” before you attempt it. some dumpers do it because they really feel that they have changed. Regarding his “new flame”. If they do decide to return calls, messages or texts it is often done sporadically and hap-haphazardly. Only once a dumper is finally confronted with the notion of what life entails without their partner do they begin to miss them in earnest (and it can take a surprising amount of time for this to occur). Yes, time apart can remind an ex that they can’t do without you, but if you’re both so firmly entrenched in no contact that the silence becomes an insurmountable wall, you will have no way of communicating this change of heart. Its good to know that you believe in Karma. I can’t be sure, but — and this won’t be of any comfort I’m afraid — consider also that a single month is not a very long time, certainly not long enough for the emotional waters to settle and for the tide to bring in a measure of clarity. In a way, dumpers stalk to reassure themselves that they've made the right decision. Thanks again for all your help, support and feedback. You mention that, Both ways. Whenever I knew something was over, I never would send mixed signals. Im moving home, hoping it will make him miss me and give him time to decide what he wants. Even answering a “Hello and How you doing” messages is like, Killing Someone and then asking, How you doing? While he may enjoy the comfort of commitment, it may not give him the excitement and passion he wants. I went through lots of articles, where few experts suggest “NO Contact” strictly until the guy gives clear signs of reconcilation etc. Somehow, I dont feel, I am very lucky in relationships. That is, until I was seemingly corrected by what is now known (I’m told) as our communal negativity bias. If I understand your stance correctly, you fear being taken for granted and used. It means a lot to me. Somehow, I never got the chance to even tell him all this as I was in a big shock when I found the truth. A good rule of thumb to go by when attempting to analyze their intentions is to: If you would settle for nothing less than an all-or-nothing relationship with your ex, make sure they are aware of this or you may find yourself pigeon-holed in a backseat driver friendship that will end painfully. I had tried to contact her after a month of NC and I was greeting with the threat of a PPO from a lawyer friend of hers. I pointed out that he said he’d noticed I was happier, to which he agreed then changed his tune to, “Well, I can’t explain how emotions work”. 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