185. 10 Funny Affirmations That Will Put A Smile On Your Face - QuoteReel I am tough and resilient. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 77. 93. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 78. 9. 27. 199. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. What do I do for a living? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. How do trees access the internet? Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 176. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 109. 233. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. 34. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 79. It's OK to take a break. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 5. I am constantly growing and improving. Cindy from Marzahn Youre talking to yourself. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 143. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Exercise? 153. Ann Landers, 244. You cant have everything, where would you put it? I want to afford them., 2. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 97. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I am too lazy to be lazy. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. I did not trip and fall. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. In the morning, I cant get up. 169. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. A backbone. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. I can create positive change in the world. "We . It makes them so damned mad. When life closes a door, just open it again. I am awesome. Today I was a hero. 221. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. I nourish my body every day. Don't forget to be awesome. 165. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 8. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Nothing, they just waved. 39. It will just flow naturally. I just go normal from time to time. Lorrin L. Lee. 26. 6. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 271. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 204. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. I have a lot to offer. East 5. 116. 275. All you need is love. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Actually, you dont have to imagine. How do trees access the internet? Why did the can crusher quit his job? 82. Enjoy! 7. I never apologize. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 161. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. 108. 201. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Socrates. 8. Im like a postage stamp. Dave Barry. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 146. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. The library, because it has so many stories. Gary Delaney Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Life is becoming easier and less serious. 154. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Not me, but somebody does. 135. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Snowballs. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Find a quiet place without distractions. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. No No NOYes. I believe in what's possible for me. 188. 229. 23. 8. My cankles will hold me. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. 68. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Short Funny Quotes. 239. 268. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] 79. They log in. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 160. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 152. 1. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. They log in. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! You cant have everything, where would you put it? We need to hear a pin drop. Robert A. Heinlein "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 236. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. 211. Because they make up everything. Laughter brings me closer to people. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. He who laughs last didnt get it. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 7. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Bill Murray. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". 218. Learn sign language, its very handy. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Im gonna be worse., 12. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. You have to go after it with a club. 53. Envelope. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 36. At night, I cant fall asleep. My mistakes dont define me. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Bill Murray, 257. 191. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. 203. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 111. 172. 171. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo 38. 181. 47. 132. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. My jokes do. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. 12. 63. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave You deserve it! Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Milton Berle, 245. I train my body. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Jackie Collins Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 203. 66. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 224. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Bill Murray. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 26. Yeah, so is a grenade. 199. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 167. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. But it'll move up again.". 149. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. 162. 3. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 173. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Your life is your message to the world. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. My liver still works. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. 242. "If you see me talking to myself. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 22. 269. 102. 223. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. 18. 198. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily 160. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. 86. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. - Unknown. 215. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. No, but April may. 35. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 134. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 36. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. 22. 45. - Roy T. Bennett. I am attractive just as I am. 145. Effective pushing often involves poop. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. I love my body. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Raimonda.B. 100. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Franklin Jones Really? I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 163. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. 195. I am lazy till I get a motive. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. 44. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. The best things in life are free. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 20. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 1. Everyone brings happiness to this office. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Short Funny Sayings Cindy from Marzahn. - Bob Hope. When they go away, its a brighter day. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 92. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 61. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 1. Emphasis on the cool. In the morning, I cant get up. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 274. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 239. 13. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 220. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Walter Bagehot Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. You can only be young once. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 3. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 205. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Bill Murray I know the best time to make fun. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 234. No matter what I look like. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. 71. 237. Friends buy you food. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 75. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. With time, I have started to value more time. 150. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Read the first word again. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Charles M. Schulz My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Run. I am on a seafood diet. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. So far, so good. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Bill Murray Only two more days until Friday.". You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. I honor that time. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 200. I can always think of something funny to say. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. I create my life on a quantum level. I am on a seafood diet. Why is England the wettest country? To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 159. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 68. 212. 256. No, but April may. 262. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 2. Sam Levenson - George Burns. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Why cant you trust an atom? I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 232. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . My mistakes dont define me. Henny Youngman, 246. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. I dont care! The rest are too expensive. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I am happy and joyful. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 25. You wanna know who Im in love with? 181. 276. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. 167. 127. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. I feed my spirit. It doesnt work if it is not open. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. Why did the school kids eat their homework? But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Life begins on Friday night. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. Life always offers you a second chance. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 224. 145. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. 258. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 35. What do computers eat for a snack? 223. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. 1. I can always be fatter. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Sometimes the M is silent. 164. Alright, get in the basket.. Build a bridge. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Happy Birthday.". Ann Landers Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 219. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. - Donald Trump. 229. 125. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 207. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 56. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 23. Live life to the fullest. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. And a funny bone., 10. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Best friends eat your food. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. If only common sense were more common. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Make it inspiring. 59. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Microchips. Your words become your actions. 13. 192. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. I enjoy every minute of it. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I'm a peli-can! 138. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc 176. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I am quite fascinating. 213. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 126. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 32. Alright, get in the basket. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 260. Not everyone has to like me. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. 158. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 191. 178. 254. Everyone brings happiness to this office. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 113. Happiness is a choice. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. 237. 152. 156. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I will go out. 142. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Sincerely, the floor. Funny Friday Quotes. I just go normal from time to time. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Really? 2. And a funny bone. 215. 108. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Never take life seriously. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Nobody gets out alive anyway. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I am so f*cking awesome. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . I tell you what always catches my eye. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 31. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. The thing is, Im still getting ready. 10. "You have to be odd to be number one.". 129. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations.